The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic

Definitely awesome advice. It reminds me of a list one of my friends was reading about overused lines in fan fiction and one of the examples was 'when one character runs his/her tongue over the others' bottom lip, that second person MUST open his/her mouth in invitation.' Some of those phrases can really pop out at you after a while. :)Also, I'm rather horrified about the thought of soy sauce or candle wax as lube, especially considering the salt content of soy sauce and the unreasonable friction... ugh :)

I've been OD'ing on certain phrases that seem obligatory these days. The pupils of someone's eyes, when the person is aroused, are always "blown" or "blown wide," which makes me think of exploding eyeballs (not sexy, and really cliché by now), and every writer , at one point or another, has said that someone (usually John Watson) "cards" his hands through his partner's (usually Sherlock's) hair. I know this was a suggestion of yours, but speaking as an appreciative reader, I would like to dissent. :)I think this guide will be really useful to people. Good of you to write it!

Hah, oh dear. More sexy things than I can process! This will probably be quite helpful, though it does make me squirm a bit to read it, hah.About the word usage, though, I'm a believer in the idea that language is constantly evolving and can be used in new ways (within reason) to suit needs as they arise. For 'bemused', as an example, why shouldn't it mean the thing we all think it means? (Something like blankly amused, very slightly amused.) Of course it has another, proper, definition, but then so did words like 'villain' or 'gay' before they were co-opted for other uses. Being as we currently have no other word meaning 'sort of amused', while we do have plenty of words meaning 'confused', I don't really see a problem with changing its definition to fill this void of language. Just how I think of the problem. Also since I'm being quasi-defensive (not really, hah, just rambling) I personally use 'alright' on a constant basis simply because I always read it as a different word than 'all right', with a different meaning, and it's a nightmare for me to proofread unless I use the one I prefer. Grammatically you're allowed to use one or the other, so long as you're consistent about it. I'm sure publishers would disagree but I've seen it both ways in print so I suppose some of them must be more lenient about it.

Alright, I won't lie, I broke down laughing a number of times while reading this, but all in all it's the first real coherent source on how one smuts about in their respective fandoms. Congrats serah, you have earned my approval, (also going to keep this handy guide handy (for reasons.))

Also I accidentally smashed myself in the face when the candle wax comment came up. Did someone really use that?!

Please god, tell me you haven't read/written "soul-sizzling pleasure" in a fic!This was actually pretty great. It made me giggle a lot and I took some tips, especially when it came to the sexy words. I'm tempted to write a more playful sex scene then I have before, as well as one a little rougher. Great lists! :)

this was the most entertaining thing I have read all week, full of useful information. Loved it!

For the past few days I have been searching dictionaries and thesauruses to find new words or words that I have forgotten. Thank you so much! By the way, do you think you could post this in other fandoms as well? I only found this due to a sudden desire to read another fandom that I was not currently writing for.

Every time someone uses " (whoever)'s voice dropped an/several octave(s)", I scream "DID YOU MEAN PITCH?!" at the computer screen. @_@

Love this.( I'm relieved anew that I have not read 50 Shades of Grey.)

Actually, I did that once with my trusted friend and beta-reader who accused me of having written a quite improbable sex scene. I mean, we tried to act out the scene I had written. And surprise, surprise, it turned out I really had. Just not in the way she thought. The funny thing was, basically _everything_ I wrote was possible-but couldn't have happened the way I wrote it because one character would have gotten thrown off the bed already during the first five seconds. He would've had to crawl up onto the bed again, and considering his boyfriend would literally have kicked him out of the bed, I very much doubt there would've been much sex after that...Suffice to say, we both almost rolled off the bed with laughter several times, had a really great time (up to the point where she actually had to undress me to find out if she could. That was admittedly kinda weird) and learned a lot. It's funny how many mistakes one makes even when one has been familiar with sex for years. Afterwards I kinda felt like I had been turning all my real-life experience with sex off while writing. Whether for aesthetic or other reasons I cannot tell, but fact is, I did. It's not so much the anatomical stuff that's a problem for me, it's more the fact that I tend to forget that beds, chairs, tables, kitchen counters ... do end somewhere. And they might just be shorter than the poor character who should be supported by them ...I simply had to turn that little history into a story afterwards. But it certainly isn't half as useful for other authors as yours :-) Thanks a lot!

Oh wow thank you SO MUCH for this!! You have no idea how useful this is! I havent been writing fanfics for long and ive only written male/female for now but since i plan on writing a few johnlocks, this post will be a big help! Also Im French so yeah, I need the help!! Thanks again!!

Ps. In would also add another "dont" if I may : dont dilute the impact of your words by using too many adjectives or superlatives

Without trying to diss this post, my personal opinion is that including lines and lines of "oh my god" and "god yes" is an absolute no-go. Completely unnecessary, unimaginative, repetitive, and just tiring. Will never understand why it can't just be taken for granted as any other sound during sex, since it has little to do with sex or conversation during sex. It's involuntary, culturally constructed, and possibly should have been eliminated from bedrooms a long time ago. Religious people probably don't use it because they actually want to since it's blasphemy and why would non-religious people use it at all? Minus the religious context, the same goes for "yes" and "right there" and the rest. It doesn't add anything to the dirty talk or the emotional aspect. From a writing and reading point of view it's just boring and lazy.

Really helpful! Thank you for this! :D

I'm a new writer on this website and I just wanted to say thank you for posting this. I found it incredibly helpful and will do my best to follow your advice.

okay, this is actually really useful. as person who reads a lot of smut, i was familiar with quite a bit of this, but i still found some new, interesting things! (it was also hilarious. typos are always funny, as long as you catch them before publishing. can you imagine that PUBLIC mistake?) i have yet to undertake the task of actually writing a sex scene, but if i ever do, i'll be sure to come back here. and as for criticism, i have exactly one thing: i myself do not consider "squelch" the sexiest of words...but eh, whatever works, i suppose. and i do see a number of epithets around this site -- they don't necessarily bother me, but i do notice them.also! i'd like to give you an imaginary pat on the back, my friend, for handling the trolls/people who don't understand others' opinions/rude people. you're very good at it and i think you deserve a cookie. thankfully, though, most of the comments on this seem to be lighthearted and kind. have a great day!

this is so great! and extremely helpful, would you ever consider make a beginners guider to writing fanfiction?

Maybe you could use mumbled or babbled instead of muttered?

I laughed at this line and nearly fell off my chair:Comparing someone’s arsehole to the dark, unexplored stretches of an Amazon jungle is probably going to get you put on wtffanfiction. Luckily only my cat was witness to that.

This was really helpful, and I like all the references and stuff; I just feel like all I can think about is "Spunk trumpet", and I'm not really sure how to deal with that...I'll read this again when I've recovered!

This was both hilarious and super informative- now i just have to get past the feeling of 'wow this is super fucking awkward to write.'But seriously, thank you so much for this.

Thanks for the guide......hopefully it will be easier now to write the scenes for my stories....

What a great guide! It was really funny to read and I think I have to agree with the octaves thing as well.I also agree with the degradation thing. It's a very fine line to walk (or write) to be sufficiently dirty without being an asshole. I think many writers of erotic stories tend to go all out with the name calling and it can get overboard. I mean, we get it, she likes being called a "dirty little slut", but dude, every two lines?The anatomically possible part is soooooooo hard. I shy away from writing smut, but I tried writing a scene a few weeks back and I had to stop every paragraph or so because somehow there were too many hands for the people actually involved having sex. It's irritating how anatomy works :P

Great advice - and I don't even write fiction ;)But thank you very much for including "don't use epithets" in your list - I'm getting sick and tired of seeing Sherlock referred to as "the brunet" (once even "the brunette" - did I finish that story?)And I'd like to second Oakenstruck's suggestion to include something about omitting adjectives unless they are essential - I had a lot of trouble getting through a story with a pretty good plot but just too many - and exotic - adjectives... If in doubt, leave it out! (And if not in doubt, leave it out anyway...)(Unfortunately, both these rules are pretty much the opposite of what they tell you - or at least what they told me - in primary school in Germany. There the basic advice used to be along the lines of using different words whenever possible. Which I guess makes sense when you want kids to extend their vocabulary, but by the time one writes for publication one should have gotten past that stage...)

Thanks so much for this. Will definitely come handy should I discover the courage to write.

Great article. I completely agree with knocking off on the "fucking slut" type of comments. All too often, it pops up in an otherwise vanilla piece and I have to wonder if writers, presumably women have become inured to these insults and actually think sane women don't mind being called a whore, fucking cunt or other such shit. Like you, that man would be kicked out of my bed so fast he'd never know what hit him (my foot in his balls). The other thing I find hysterical is how in almost every fic, the lovers come in practically violent explosions, screaming their lover's name so that the newsagent down the street hears. I've rarely screamed my lover's name because if it's that good, my brain is offline, so I find it amazing that so many fics do this, even if it's a one-night stand.

This. THIS, is the most incredible, useful, BRILLIANT guide ANYONE could have EVER WRITTEN. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I am absolutely *terrified* of writing smut, but I've wanted to give it a try- or, rather, not smut per se, but, you know, write a story and not trash it because it got to the point that my characters wanted to have either crazy wild monkey sex against a wall or they're having a romantic night on a beautiful hotel room. :/ Very useful, this. Very very much useful. Thank you so much.  ...I think in the entire thing, these two bullet points are my absolute *favourites*:  - Spending several minutes staring after someone who’s left the room. Seconds, sure. Minutes? Um, no. I want you to go to any public place in the world and stare forward with a catatonic look on your face for several minutes. Count how long it takes for someone to ask you if you’re all right, assuming that they don’t just call for an ambulance to begin with.- Rocking back and forth happily. Again, try doing this in public and see what happens (Parkins, 2012).I was literally rolling on my bed laughing it out, and I am *so* trying it out next time I'm in public- which will be, uh...in about 8 hrs? My bet? I'll be staring off into space for at least 15 minutes before someone notices. For reference: I'll be in the city's public library where I work, but I will be there as a patron tomorrow, not working. I'll come back and post my results in an edit to this once I've done it. XD Also though? Um...*I've* 'whipped my glasses off in anger' before. Both sunglasses and the normal kind. When I was in high school a close friend told me during a very intense lunch conversation that I scared her when I glared at her without my glasses, that it looked much more intense like that, and I guess I took it to heart. *shrugs* It usually gets the other person to either back off or look away, so...yeah. Now I'm wondering if she said it as a lark and I've been looking a fool all these years. Oh beh. I mostly use contacts now. XPOh, yeah- while I don't 'rock back and forth', I do tend to bounce on my toes when happy. Guess I'm weird? n///nBest Wishes~!-Whimsy

Thank you!!

This is an awesome guide. One I would like to add to the "use sparingly" list is crying out names. I think I have genuinely done this exactly one time, and I have had a lot of sex. One time my husband tried moaning my name during a blowjob. I thought he was trying to get my attention, so I popped up like, "Yes? What's up?" He hasn't tried it again, lol. I often wonder if this is something other people do a lot and I'm just weird, or if it really is as tropey as it seems to me. Also, please do not encourage anyone to use the term "juices" in sex scenes. Gag.

This pretty darn useful. Probably the most helpful guide I found via the internet. Thank you very much!

'Rocking back and forth happily. Again, try doing this in public and see what happens''I want you to go to any public place in the world and stare forward with a catatonic look on your face for several minutes. Count how long it takes for someone to ask you if you’re all right, assuming that they don’t just call for an ambulance to begin with.'As a heads up, these are things people actually do. Especially people who are not neurotypical. Rocking is a form of stimming which can be used by mentally ill or neurodivergent folks to calm down or without even realising. As for staring at one spot with a neutral expression, that can be due to disassociating or various forms of neurodivergence. I agree that staring after someone who's left for minutes is impractical exaggeration and I agree with much of what you've written but there is no need to throw mentally ill or neurodivergent folks under the bus. We already know that stimming in a public place, or reverting to a neutral expression is something that 'normal' people don't do. I probably shouldn't find this ironic considering what one of the stars of Sherlock said about autistic people but given that the character of Sherlock is often coded as non-neurotypical, mentioning behaviour like stimming as something people don't do just strikes me as deeply ironic.

I found the Saint Graal of guide to write smut! Even if I'm good at english I always forgot some things. Especially in the 'sex' spectrum of things XD I so happy I find it when I'm in the middle of my first smut. Thank you so much !~from a french honoring forever your name

this has helped me so much with my writing. Thx you

This was both informative and humorous. Thank you for putting this together and for posting it.

Thank you for writing this. This is gonna be really useful for all budding smut writers, myself included.

I may never write fiction, but this is awesome advice regardless. Thank you!

This was quite interesting. Please note; every writer is different. We all have our own styles and such. Yet most of this I agree with. And some words I will gladly use to add more detail to my already arousing fics for my sinful readers--Yet, the only thing I don't do is the "Said," part. I can't. I dunno why. Like so and so is talking, then if they're breathless [breathed, huffed / huffs etc.] I can't do that. I use them words only different;. Using them before or after dialog with extra words to add onto a scene or add even more atmosphere. It's weird. If I did that, I'd easily be able to use a lot of these words. I've seen a lot of writers not prep anyone; I do it usually in every FanFic I write - only because everything I do is AU [Since I write Real people [YouTubers. -Coughs-] ] so I always see it as a first time. Plus, with writing smut, my /biggest/ pet peeve is very small smut. Like two or three little paragraphs. Uh-uh. I see it as lazy. I just skimmed this so not sure if it's in the "Don't[s]" but I'd sure as hell add it. But that's my own personal preference. Detail. All the way. The more the merrier; but you can be overly detailed.Oh god I'mma shut up now. But I do like this. -Whispers- I know most of this but thank you--PS: I don't beta. My readers are my beta; or my own eyes after I reread it when posted. -Thumbs up.-

Thank you so so much for this! You're the real fanfic MVP. My first few attempts at writing smut retrospectively seem a little cliche and cringey. I'm going to refer to this and try to improve my next one. Cheers :)

This is so awesome. I actually use it ALL THE TIME. you are the best thank you.

I was wondering if it'd be too much to ask for a section about masturbation? There have been a lot of various fanfictions that I've read that include masturbation but a lot of them just don't make sense to me or describe it really awkwardly and as someone who has just recently started writing smut I'd like to make sure I'm writing it accurately and in a way that doesn't make people cringe. (This list has been extremely helpful by the way, it's made me feel a lot more comfortable and confident in what I'm writing since I don't really have a ton of experience sexually)

Thanks a lot for writing this. It helps a lot to have these lists and some advice out there. I hope a lot of writers will read it it because some stories could really benefit from it (including mine :P)

Thank you for the time you spent on this and for your generosity of spirit. I'm almost finished, at 7,000 words, with my first effort after over 30 years of obviously noon-fiction investigative journalism. Obviously. Writing smut is cleansing my spirit!

Thank you for sharing this. It'll be helpful in the future, I always look for words and synonymous, because I'm French and writing in English can be tricky sometimes. Anyway thank you again I'll try to apply your precious advice next time I'll write smut. Have a good day.

"Spunk trumpet" literally made me laugh until I cried. Thank you for this, it's a great resource!

Well, I... do some things here in my writing I didn't even know N Editor wouldn't like, so I learned something. Thank you! Now I need to get over my inhibitions and actually try to write smut. :)

Bookmarking for future reference. This was insightful ando humorous in equal measure! Thank you so much for such a handy resource!

So, can a booty become flushed? I read and it specifically said fleshy areas. Are booties included in that?